walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
