Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
