Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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