and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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