You really coming over, don't trick.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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