I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
