I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
