from now on my penis is your penis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
