the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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