I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
