Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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