Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
