My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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