looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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