I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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