Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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