This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
