Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
