Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
