In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
