I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
