i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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