Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
