Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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