Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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