Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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