I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
