Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
