smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
