He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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