I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
