I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
