I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
