my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
