meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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