The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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