I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The adults are the big ones right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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