pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
