Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
