She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
