what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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