so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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