and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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