dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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