I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
