Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
