last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he fucked my hip out of place.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
