i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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