I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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