I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
