your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
