I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
