Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
