Umm I'm too high to move.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We don't watch enough power rangers
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
