Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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