I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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