How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
