I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
