I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
