wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I could fuck to npr.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
