How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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