I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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