so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
