im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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