Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
