Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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