I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
